Taanis Esther Survival Guide for Lakewood Parents
A Note from a Social Worker: Staying Calm Amid the Chaos
As a social worker in the Lakewood community, I often hear from overwhelmed parents who feel like Taanis Esther is a perfect storm of pressure — traffic, tantrums, tight schedules, and the ever-growing lists of drop-offs and expectations.
Tomorrow, the scene will be familiar: cars inching along block by block, toddlers melting down in car seats, and a backseat filled with shalach manos bags teetering on the edge of collapse. You're expected to be in 14 places at once — dropping off shalach manos early, visiting morahs and teachers, reminding your kids to smile and say thank you — all while fasting and juggling regular responsibilities.
It’s a lot.
So here are a few gentle tips to help you navigate the day with calm, presence, and even a little joy:
1. Set Realistic Expectations
You won’t get everything perfect — and that’s okay. You’re showing kavod to the teachers and morahs, not competing in a Pinterest Purim competition. Even if one bag gets crushed or a ribbon falls off, your appreciation still shines through.
2. Prep Your Mind in the Morning
Before the chaos starts, take 5 quiet minutes — yes, even if it’s in the laundry room — to breathe deeply and set your mindset. Say a short tefillah or affirmation: “Hashem, help me go through this day with calm and kindness.” You’ll be surprised what a few moments of grounding can do.
3. Create a Drop-Off Game Plan
Map out your route the night before, and prioritize your most important stops first. Keep a printed list so you’re not scrambling. Build in buffer time — because yes, someone will forget their shoe or spill juice on a rebbi card.
4. Car Time Can Be Quality Time
You're going to be in the car for a while — turn it into bonding. Play Purim songs, share funny memories, count the traffic cones on Central Ave, count how many new Eqonox cars are on the rd or talk about what each teacher means to your child. These conversations can transform the “wasted” hours into precious connection.
5. Remember: The Teachers and Rebbeim Appreciate YOU
A kind note and a warm smile mean more than the packaging. But yes — tips matter too. It's a gesture of gratitude for a year of hard work, care, and chinuch. Don’t stress about the amount — give from your heart, according to your ability. Even a modest envelope, given with warmth and a thank-you, carries value.
6. Expect Gridlock… and Choose Calm Anyway
Lakewood traffic on Taanis Esther is almost a minhag at this point. Getting frustrated won’t make it move faster — but turning on calming music, keeping snacks in the car for the kids, and choosing patience can change everything. Your kids will mirror your energy — if you’re calm, they will be too (eventually!).
7. Hydrate Wisely Before the Fast
Don’t forget, you’re fasting — and dehydration is a shortcut to stress, irritability, and fatigue. Prep the night before: drink water, rest, and plan light tasks for yourself post-drop-offs.
8. At the End of the Day… Pause and Reflect
You did it. You showed your children how to express gratitude, how to manage chaos with dignity, and how to prioritize kavod hachinuch. That’s no small feat. Be proud of yourself, even if you forgot a label or ran 20 minutes late.
Final Thought:
It’s easy to get caught up in the packaging, but the real shalach manos is the smile you give the morah, the gratitude you show the rebbi, and the emotional calm you offer your children. That’s the kind of chinuch that lasts longer than any candy bag ever will.
Wishing you a meaningful fast, a joyful Purim, and a car that miraculously stays clean for more than 15 minutes.
With warmth,
A Lakewood Social Worker Who Gets It
AI
